Reader’s Choice/Tom’s Top Tunes…Song #66/250: Closing Time by Semisonic…Family Road Trip Edition: Part VII.

The first six parts of this series can be found here, here, here, here, here and here.

Closing time,

Open all the doors

And let you out into the world.

Closing time,

Turn all of the lights on

Over every boy and every girl.

As the sun burns away the last remnants of fog that had blanketed Halifax Harbour, we climb back into our car one last time. Our hotel is an approximately one hour drive from the university. Today’s drive will take us out of the city of Halifax and into the lush, fertile Annapolis Valley region of southwestern Nova Scotia. The Annapolis Valley runs alongside the Bay of Fundy which separates Nova Scotia from New Brunswick and the U.S. state of Maine. The Valley, as the locals call it, it dotted with small communities that were once the sight of military battles such as the deliciously titled Battle of Bloody Creek that took place just north of Fort Anne at Annapolis Royal during one of the many battles between the French and English forces who were trying to gain permanent control of the region. In time, places such as Windsor, Kentville, Wolfville, New Minas and Annapolis Royal settled into thriving farming communities connected by a line of railway tracks. But the railway has long since pulled up its stakes in the Valley, leaving the rail line tract to be turned into a walking/biking trail. It is now Provincial highway 101 that connects these towns and upon which we drive as we head to our appointed place and time.

The radio is turned on. We hear “The Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey but the in-car sing-along is only half-hearted. As we leave Halifax, I confirm for my passengers that we will be taking Exit #10 when the time comes to leave the highway and enter the small town where Leah’s university sits. As we drive along, a visual countdown takes place. The closer we get to Exit #10, the quieter those of us in the car become. When the time comes to finally turn off the highway, my wife turns the radio off so that “your father can concentrate” . It is true. Why is that? At what point in the aging process do we lose the ability to think and react to traffic and directions while music is playing? The silence almost comes as a relief. 

Not long after leaving the highway, we pass through the historically significant Acadian settlement of Grand-Pre. This was once the site of a thriving French-speaking population. However, it is also the site of a multi-year event called the Acadian Expulsion, in which most of these same settlers were forcibly removed from their land as part of the English conquest of the region in the 1700s. Many of those Acadians ended up resettling far to the south in Louisiana and, in particular, in the city of New Orleans, helping it to have such a vibrant French atmosphere. The rich history that exists all around Leah’s university was part of the attraction for her when we visited the previous year. For the rest of us, the drive in from the highway is like entering another world. The road is narrow and tree-lined. Vineyards exist on both sides of the road for as far as the eye can see. The homes are set back off of the road and boast lush green lawns and beautiful gardens. The whole scene is bucolic. Tranquility and peacefulness are the predominant vibes that can be felt. When Leah and I first made this drive a year ago, we both knew before ever reaching the university for our tour that this was the town for Leah. Now, as we drive in on move-in day, my wife is beginning to feel it, too. This is important because as hard as the eventual parting process will be later on during this day between mother and daughter, that process will be tempered by the realization that our first born is being dropped off in a place that feels safe. This town is the epitome of loveliness. We are happy to have arrived.

For almost a full year, I have had an image of this moment playing in my mind. From the combination of emails that Leah received over the last few months regarding the logistics of the move-in/orientation process for new students, as well as the conversations we had at information nights held in Ontario by representatives of the university, I had imaged this tiny university village being overrun and inundated with vehicles of all sorts, all queueing up for their precious fifteen minute window where they would offload their contents and then move the heck out of the way so the next family could do the same. I was expecting the village to be a beehive of activity. But, for the most part, it was not. Calmness reigned. There was no evidence of chaos or frayed nerves. I know that Leah will probably beg to differ but the sense that I got upon arrival was that this was not a big deal at all for those involved at the university.

Everything was quietly and efficiently organized. We drove our car into a parking lot and were placed in a line of less than ten other vehicles, all awaiting the signal to drive to whatever residence the incoming student was staying at. When our turn came, a friendly security officer directed us to go left, then right, then up a hill, then right, then left and we should be where we needed to be. Sure. Luckily, there were student volunteers stationed along the way to guide us when I eventually took a wrong turn and got us lost. However, the university is on a geographically small site so correcting my mistake did not take long and before we knew it we had arrived at Leah’s dorm building. We were the only family there. There was no hustling and bustling required. It was just us. We suddenly had all of the time in the world to unload the car and transport Leah’s things up three flights of stairs and into her dorm room. 

A funny/disappointing aspect of this part of the move-in process was that we had to move everything ourselves. At one of the Ontario information sessions, I had asked the university representative about the logistics of the move-in process since we had never been involved in it before. We were assured that members of the men’s varsity football team would be standing by to do all of the heavy lifting for us so as to expedite the offloading process and keep the line of cars moving. The prospect of the girls being surrounded by burly football boys was part of the allure for them as we set out on this trip right from the beginning. But unfortunately, there were no burly, sweat soaked bare chested young men on hand when we arrived. Instead, we were greeted by a table filled primarily with petite young ladies who, as they informed us, were the R.A.s (or, Resident Assistants) for that year at Leah’s dorm. They gave Leah the key to her dorm room and then invited us to unload the car ourselves. We could take all the time we needed. Great! Have I mentioned that it always seems to be humid in this town? I don’t know if it is the proximity of the university to the Bay of Fundy and the New Minas Basin but man, there is humidity to spare in that town. Needless to say, by the time we had the last box, bag and tote out of the car and up the stairs, we were a puddle.

Closing time,

Time for you to go out 

To the places you will be from.

Closing time,

This room won’t be open

‘Til your brothers and sisters come.

Symbolically, move-in day represented a moment of transition for Leah. It was the formal end of her childhood days. In the weeks that had most recently passed, she had said goodbye to the childhood portion of her life by spending time with/saying goodbye to her high school friends, her work colleagues, her grandparents in Ontario and now, on this trip, my mother, sister, brother-in-law and cousin. Each person offered hugs and words of encouragement and heartfelt best wishes to Leah as they watched her set forth on this new exciting phase of her life. I have always felt, and continue to do so, that the connections my daughter has made with these good people are important and of great value going forward. It does my heart a lot of good to see how respected and appreciated by others Leah had become up until this point in her life’s journey. We always suspected that she was a good person and was living a successful existence outside of our home. But it was the love accorded her by this parade of wellwishers that really brought this point home for my wife and I as proud parents. 

Well, on this day, it was now time for Leah and her sister to have their final moments together before we parted. Once we had all of Leah’s possessions moved into her tiny room, it was decided that Keri and I would leave and head to town to pick up last minute supplies that Leah would need. This accomplished two things. First of all, it allowed me to walk my wife through the tiny downtown area and show her that it was an easily walkable distance for Leah whenever she may need to buy something for herself in the days and weeks to come. Just as importantly, I was able to show her that there were stores there that could provide all a young girl could need such as a drug store, a grocery store, a hardware store, a hair salon and plenty of pubs and restaurants should she ever want a break from cafeteria fare. By the time our walk had finished, my wife had a much better sense of why Leah had so quickly fallen in love with the town when we were first there a year ago. Having peace of mind at a time like this was important for all concerned. Secondly, back in Leah’s dorm room, she and her sister were able to share a final bonding moments as they unpacked all of the bins and boxes and totes and organized everything in their new home. Each of our daughters has special skill sets that hold them in good stead in this world. One of Sophie’s greatest skills are her organizational abilities. She is seriously good at organizing storage spaces. When Leah was first accepted into university, one of Sophie’s first reactions was to declare that she wanted to help Leah set up her dorm room. Thus, my wife and I made ourselves scarce for an hour. Leah and Sophie had that hour to be together and to work as a sisterly team one final time after a great fourteen year run at home.

Then a funny thing happened. Keri and I returned from our shopping expedition. The girls showed us what they had managed to accomplish. And then, just like that, Leah took off to partake in orientation activities. In a lottery-esque twist of fate, two other girls from Leah’s very own high school had also been accepted into the same university as Leah. They also had move-in time slots for the same day as us. By the time we had returned from town and the two sisters had worked their organizational magic in Leah’s dorm room, those other two girls were doing the same thing where they were and had finished at the same time and were reaching out to Leah to go out and play, as it were. So, just like that she went to be with her new friends. As she should. That left my wife and I and our youngest daughter alone in Leah’s room. The next phase of our existence as a family of three had just begun as well.

This seems like a good place to provide you with a nugget of information that I have withheld from the story of this trip so far. While getting Leah to the university on time was certainly the prime motivational factor behind this family journey, Sophie also was a factor all on her own. Let me quickly bring you up to speed. At the time that Leah’s Grade 12 school year was unfolding, Sophie was finishing her first year of high school. She was a minor-niner and was happy to be moving on to Grade 10. Just as her time in Grade 9 was ending in June, members of the Grade 9 cohort were invited to consider applying to join the student leadership group for the coming school year. This group typically helped to organize events for their fellow students throughout the year and act as leaders, mentors and spirit boosters. To the delight of her parents, Sophie applied to join this team and was accepted. However, as part of her new responsibilities, all new team members were required to report to school a week early for a one-day mandatory organizing session. At this session, Sophie and her peers would be preparing activities to help the new incoming Grade 9s on the first day of school of their high school careers. The importance of attendance at this meeting was made clear to Sophie and her friends. Blowing that meeting off meant not being invited to continue being involved with the leadership team going forward. Suddenly, there was the prospect of our family having a scheduling conflict, with both Leah and Sophie being required to be at their schools during the final week of August. If the dates fell on the same day then neither Sophie nor Keri would have been able to make the trip to Nova Scotia at all. Luckily for everyone, Leah’s move-in date was on the Tuesday and Sophie’s mandatory meeting was the next day on Wednesday. Thus, for the whole length of this family trip, we did what we did and endured what we endured, all of us in the knowledge that moving Leah into her dorm room was not going to be the only thing happening on this day.

Because Sophie had to get back home to attend this meeting of hers, she and her mother would not only be delivering Leah to her new school but then, turning around, saying a quick goodbye after an early supper and heading back to Halifax airport and flying home to Cobourg that same night. As Leah’s dorm bed was being made, Sophie was safe in the knowledge that she would be sleeping in her own bed that same night, too. So would her mother. The only person not sleeping in their own bed would be me! I could not fly home because I had to drive our car back to Ontario. Consequently, it had been predetermined before we ever left home that I would spend the night of move-in day at an airport hotel after having dropped Keri and Sophie off at the airport for their flight home. I would then spend an extra day hanging around the university area in case Leah discovered that she needed anything, including her father. In practical reality, what this meant for me was that I was not as emotionally invested in this day as everyone else was. I still had one more day with Leah before I had to make my own goodbyes with her. For now, my job was to safely get everyone where they needed to be on time. So far, we had gotten Leah to her destination. She and Sophie had their final time together as well. Now it was time to gather Leah up from her orientation activities, go for that early dinner and allow for mother and daughter to part.

Not surprisingly, none of the four of us were all that interested in the meals we were served for supper. With Leah’s dorm room set up, Sophie was done with it all and just wanted to head back home to Ontario and her own life. Keri and Leah didn’t want the meal to end because of what the meal’s end implied. I was simply hot and tired and nervously watching the clock. All in all, it was an awkward affair that played out amid the heat and humidity of a downtown late afternoon. Eventually we paid our bill and walked Leah back to her dorm building. She and her mother had a final hug. Leah went inside to find her friends (and maybe have a cry, I don’t know). Sophie, Keri and I walked down the hill to the parking lot where I had moved our car. Then we drove away. Leah was not there on the hillside as we left, as least that we could see. There were no final waves goodbye. We just drove away as a family of three, leaving our eldest daughter behind to begin her new life. In a prudent move on my part, I had placed extra tissues in my pocket prior to the start of the day. All I will say about the drive back to Halifax was that my pocket was empty by the time we got to the airport. I don’t believe that we had the radio on at all during the drive back. By this point, the songs of the summer didn’t hold that much sway anymore.

We parked inside the parking garage at Stanfield Airport. I went in with Sophie and Keri to see them off. We shared a hot cup of tea in the Departures lounge. Then the girls printed off their boarding passes and headed for the security check-in. I waved to them as they disappeared from sight. Then I drove to the airport hotel alone. The car was almost bare now, just a couple of empty totes and a bag or two of dirty laundry remained. It was quiet. For the first time in over a week, I checked into a hotel and said to the desk clerk that it was only me who was staying there. My family was scattered. But, at least I knew that they were safe where they were. I also knew that I still had one more day left with Leah. My final goodbye was something to worry about another day. 

Closing time,

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.        

PS: The song “Closing Time” by Semisonic was a big radio hit back in the 1990s. On the surface it is definitely a bar song about what happens when the evening is over and the bartender has yelled for ”last call” and it is time to head back out into the world alone or with someone you may have met at the bar. However, there is a double meaning to the song “Closing Time”. As it turns out, the song was written by a man named Dan Wilson, who was Semisonic’s lead singer. He was inspired to write the lyrics after the premature birth of his first child. The whole experience of becoming a parent changes a person. You are no longer an adult who is free to do whatever the heck you want. You are also no longer primarily a couple, either. Having the responsibility to protect and nurture another human being changes your outlook on life. Priorities evolve. Those things that once seemed so important end up paling in comparison to the health and happiness of that newborn babe. Nothing else matters to new parents more than their child. It is a depth of love and a bond of commitment that exists forever and a day. It never changes in intensity, even when that same small child somehow becomes a young adult and sets out on her own at university. On this day, a wonderful chapter in our lives closed. But a new and glorious chapter has begun to be written. We are proud of the life story both of our daughters are writing and can’t wait to see what happens next. Regardless of what that new beginning will end up looking like, they can count on our love remaining strong and of us being their biggest cheerleaders, even if that cheering is “so embarrassing” as Sophie is known to say. Some way, somehow, I slept well all alone in that hotel room that night. I trust that all three of my girls slept well in their beds too. Tomorrow is definitely another day. Time for me to start my new beginning, too.

The link to the video for the song “Closing Time” by Semisonic can be found here. ***The lyrics version is here.   

The link to the official website for Semisonic can be found here.

The link to the official website for the town of Wolfville, Nova Scotia can be found here.

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